5 Comments

  1. Julie

    Thank you – this is exactly what I needed to read today. I’m pregnant with twins, already a mom to a 17 month old boy who will be roughly two when they are born. We have been thrown for a loop with the twin news, and are especially nervous about him feeling left out. Good to know there is hope!

    • Profile photo of One Mom to Rule Them All

      No problem! I felt exactly the same way. I was more worried about my son and what it would mean having twin siblings. I’m happy to say that my twins are now 3 and he is 5, and they are all best friends. They love their older brother and they all play together really well. It’s really nice as a parent to see such a strong connection between all of them!

  2. Lizzie

    I am a younger sister to twin sisters, I always wished I was their bigger brother so I wouldn’t feel so over looked or left out. I think your set up is perfect!

  3. Brittani Bluemel

    I’m an older sibling to twin sisters. It’s just us three for kids. My parents and grandparents did everything possible to bring balance. If one child got something, so did the others. It wasn’t always the same item but an item was always received. If that weren’t possible then nothing was given. But there’s somethings that go under the radar. Being outvoted in majority vote, like picking a restaurant to go to, doing an activity. That’s something I experienced often and it has had a lasting effect. Also be aware that your twins will have a connection that he will never be capable of participating in. That also brings with it an isolating feeling. If you only have the three children I’d advise trying to help him have a strong bond with you and your partner.

    Something else that I’ve been left with is feeling like the odd man out. My parents had a bond and my sisters had a bond, both of which I couldn’t fully participate in. It left me with some emotional baggage that I’m in the process of working through. The feelings of exclusion, being ignored, and not listened to was nothing I was ever intentionally told or taught. Nevertheless it’s a something I face.

    My advice would be to make sure he feels he has a unique bond with you and/or your partner individually (like personal outings where he gets to decide things).
    Make sure he knows he is heard. Also don’t beat yourself up over any negative that may develop despite to your best balancing efforts. Being the oldest with the expectation of being the example can be a big load to carry.

    You do have a aspect of this sibling bond that is beneficial. He probably won’t be interested in the same things as your girls. Which will make separating his interests easier. And you probably won’t have to worry much about stolen clothing and makeup.

    You’re on the right path. Knowing that there could be a deficit from the get go and doing the research is huge. You’re also their mom. You know your kids the best. Pay attention to their needs and follow your intuition.
    You got this.

  4. Lynn

    I am the oldest singleton of twin sisters. Looking back on my childhood I did have many experiences of leading my younger sisters in creative games and role playing activities. I am a teacher now. I have a very good relationship with my students I believe in part to being an older singleton to twins. I often come up with fun and creative games for my students that most people wouldn’t think to do. This is a very natural part of who I have become. On the flip side, I do feel left out more than others, even in my adult years. This is the one thing I still struggle with in every relationship at times. My parents use to have special days, where it was just one parent and myself. I remember loving these moments. Unfortunately, they didn’t keep it up for very long. I had a pretty awesome childhood all in all. I do at times feel like an only child. I will never have the bond my sisters share. I think if I had another sibling it would have been better for me.

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